Tuesday, September 28, 2010: TWOfer Tuesday - The "Why The Brits Always Hatin' On The Colonies" Edition

Honestly, I can't think of any song from an American artist putting down the UK, can you?

At a stretch, one can point to American songsmiths Lerner and Loewe asking "Why Can't the English Learn How To Speak?" But that's not open mockery, just a friendly jab at that uniquely American obsession about British accents. And, besides, you can just imagine Rex Harrison is asking himself the exact same thing as he's singing that song.

I mean, obviously, the Brits are a naturally self-deprecating lot, and a good dose of their own popular music has included satire aimed at exposing those uniquely British character traits. "Dedicated Follower of Fashion" by the Kinks and "God Save The Queen" by The Sex Pistols come immediately to mind. Going back earlier, there's Noel Coward's "Mad Dogs and Englishmen". More recently, I'm quite fond of Billy Brag's "Take Down The Union Jack."

I'm sure there are hundreds of other examples, and if all the British followers of my humble blog would please include them in the comments section of this post, it would be greatly appreciated.

Going on, the flip side is also true; you don't have to be an American Idiot to know that many Red Blooded American songwriters poke fun (and more) at their own home country.

So, then, where are all the American songs making fun, satirizing, or expressing open disdain for the UK?

I think it's because we, The Americans, are pretty obsessed with everything British. I know for a fact that far more Americans are enamoured with the Royal Family than anyone I've ever met in Great Britain.   More Yanks like Tony Blair and Simon Cowell than any Brit does. Americans, I assume, would even think Boyzone were cool. If they had ever heard them.

So, that's my theory on why Americans don't really take a swipe at the Brits, because we just love them all so much! Their quaint, little villages and their funny accents, their warm beer and driving on the wrong side of the road, ain't they so adorable!

Which, of course, begs the question; why do the Brits take so many frickin' shots at the Yanks?  Bitter about losing the colonies maybe?  No, I think it's more than that.

Look it this way; imagine life is like high school. Which is it, actually, but that's a whole different post.

Americans are the bubbly, vapid, gorgeous (but in a plasticky way) energetic, go-getting blonde lead cheerleader. The Brits are the dour, sneering, sarcastic, overly-intelligent, fashionable chick wearing layers of dark tones with boots, sitting under a tree reading Proust.

The cheerleader may have doubts about the dour chick, and maybe she'll even say something about her to her cheerleader friends during a sleepover, but would never cross her in public. The dour, chick, however, has no qualms with openly mocking the cheerleader to her friends, classmates, random strangers walking past. Hell, it's almost expected of her.

But, it's more than that, really. More than just fulfilling a role, rising to societies expectations. What it is, honestly, is that deep down in places they don't talk about at parties, the Brits know they need Americans.

Think about it. You can't quantify cool without uncool.  You can't measure aloofness without bubbly enthusiasm. You can't truly appreciate cleverness without naivety, or irony without unfettered joy. Black clothes are cool, but they only really stand out when everyone else in the room is wearing hot pink.

The Brits are world class cool, but only because Americans are so staggeringly uncool.

So they take swipes because we are easy, obvious targets, exactly they way "cool" kids taunt the jocks, or the cheerleaders.


Well, it's that........or they are just very, very afraid of us.