Friday, April 29, 2011: Toby Keith - I Love This Bar

Really cool bars are hard to find these days. Trust me, I've searched.

So many taverns, at least in the US, are these bland, bloated, corporate owned nightmares that are too garish, too loud, too boring.

So, what makes a good bar?

1) Atmosphere: This includes things like decor, lighting and space. A good bar has interesting, authentic items around the room, not glossed up corporate junk that a thousand other identical bars around the country have. The lighting would tend to be on the dark & intimate side. In short, a good bar has character. Soul.

2) A Good Jukebox: This is a must. I've been in OK joints that have rocked out with great music, and I've been in great joints that just got all the life sucked out of them by a horrid, lifeless playlist.

3) Games: A pool table is a must. Two or three are better. A couple of old-school stand up video games is a good thing, an actual pinball table is miles better. Real darts is great too, with a chalk board on either side of the board to keep score on. If you see the wimpy, nanny-state special that is those horrible electronic darts games, then try to find another place.

4) Clientele: If you can smell a poser a mile away, you know this is critical. If they crowd is a bunch of hipsters, or fashionistias, or 50 year old stockbrokers who dress like bikers every Saturday and half of Sunday, then definitely find another place.

5) Drinks: Cold and cheap - I like my drinks the exact opposite of how I like my women.

6) Bartenders: They don't have to greet you with a smile and a wave as soon as you walk in the door, but if you have to stand around like a mental patient while the person behind the bar tries to chat up a hot chick, or just straight up ignores you, then that place doesn't deserve your money. On the flip side, if the service is quick and friendly, always - ALWAYS - tip well.

7) You: The most important ingredient. If you are a jerk, or an obnoxious drunk, or try to hit on anything that has two legs, then maybe you don't deserve a cool bar.

But, that said, if you do find a local, independently owned tavern that has most, if not all, of the above, then please support it. Local bars need our help. Invite your friends.

Let's keep on keeping it real, for us. And for future generations.

Seriously.